uncertainty.

I just saw my grandpa again. He's lost a lot of weight. I used to think he was on the road to some sort of a recovery, but I think he's gotten worse. Still, there's nothing I could do but keep a smile on my face. I think he's realized for himself that time is running short. He seems happier now, I don't know if it's because his sister came over to visit, or perhaps he's learning to appreciate everything again. So although he's now thinner than me, and his bones are protruding somewhat unnaturally, I'm happy that he's learning to smile and enjoy himself again. No longer does he raise his voice, he just watches and takes everything in, with a grin of pride as he sees his children and grandchildren together, having another Saturday lunch. Still, the moment is a bit bittersweet... how many more Saturdays will there be? No one can say.

----------

I used to think uncertainty was a wonderful thing. Now, I say, screw it. I have a wonderful life, I do, but right now, I wish I weren't me.

at the airport.

Wowie! I'm in the Singapore Airlines lounge right now. My mom and dad got free miles, so they got free business class tickets. The kids only have economy class tickets but they somehow got us all in here. And they have free Internet usage here! *whee!* They have YM too! So, I'm YM-ing with Nikki now who's for some reason awake at 8 o'clock on a Sunday! Maybe we could meet up there or something. Anyway, I better keep this short and simple. Oh yeah, did you know you have to take your shoes off now at the airport? I dont' think I've ever experienced that before. And I made the wrong choice of wearing this studded belt! It keeps making the metal detectors beep! *laughs* Oh well, I gotta go! We're boarding any minute. Ciao!

5 things...

Got tagged by Cel!

10 years ago I...
.. was a real-life Bugs Bunny (think big teeth, scrawny legs).
.. wanted to be a writer or an architect.
.. went to Australia and fell in love with the kangaroos.
.. ate candies/sweets everyday. (Chocnut, Hany, Orange Swits, Tarzan, and much more.)
.. loved to recite in class. (Whatever happened to that?)

5 years ago I...
.. welcomed the new millennium at the Makati Shangri-la hotel.
.. had a teacher who answered that green was the combination of red and blue. *slaps forehead*
.. joined my first table tennis tournament.
.. had braces.

1 year ago I...
.. was in Bacolod for the Unigames with the tennis team.
.. had my first shot of tequila.
.. rode a jeepney for the first time.
.. was a self-proclaimed boy-hater.

Yesterday I...
.. had tennis training at Ateneo.
.. ate Chickenjoy with Vane and Carla at Jollibee!
.. watched Hitch on DVD.
.. tinkered around with Photoshop.
.. took an afternoon nap. (Sleepyhead!)

5 snacks I enjoy...
.. peanut butter sandwich with Yakult!
.. Greenwich lasagna.
.. butter toast.
.. chips, chips, chips!
.. anything banana! (toron, banana que)

5 songs I know all the words to...
.. Someday We'll Know, Mandy Moore and Jonathan Foreman.
.. If You Come Back, Blue.
.. Can't Fight The Moonlight, Leann Rimes.
.. So Yesterday, Hillary Duff.
.. Backstreet Boys' songs! *laughs*

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars...
.. whatever my family and friends want, pricey stuff they wouldn't buy/do for themselves :p
.. donate to a charity that supports livelihood programs (not one-shot deals)
.. invest, save and transform what's left into another 100 million dollars I can again spend for all the people I love :D


5 places I would run away to...
.. can I just not answer this? hehe I don't think I'll get to fill up 5 spaces! running away to a cousin's house would be pointless. Run away, and go right next door? *laughs* Or run away to the house on the street behind ours? or to the house two streets up?
.. most practical, and it would still legitimately be running away, Cel's house. (I don't know how exactly to get to Jill's even if the distance should be just about the same. :p )

5 places I would love to go to..
.. Egypt.
.. Prague.
.. the Carribean.
.. Alaska.
.. back to the Salt Mines between Germany and Austria.
.. (for the 100-foot slides!)

5 things I would never wear...
.. giant polka dots.
.. hot pants.
.. a mohawk.
.. commando boots.
.. Catwoman's leather outfit.

5 favorite TV shows...
.. Tru Calling.
.. CSI.
.. Ambush Makeover/ How Do I Look? / Queer Eye for the Straight Guy/ The Look for Less.
.. Knock First/ Clean House.
.. The OC.

5 bad habits...
.. playing with my watch's clasp when I'm nervous or impatient.
.. blocking out sound or my surroundings.
.. perpetual forgetfulness.
.. not knowing the difference between sentimental value and trash.
.. reluctance to accept accountability.

5 biggest joys...
.. eating Haagen-Dazs ice cream, milky chocolates or cheesecake.
.. daydreaming.
.. finishing a project. the feeling of accomplishment.
.. laughing, hanging out with friends.
.. having a great game of tennis/basketball/pingpong.

5 fictional characters I would date...
.. Human Torch! (ditto Cel!)
.. Legolas.
.. Peter Parker (not Tobey Maguire)
.. Seth Cohen!
.. Chichiri in Fushigi Yuugi.

good morning.

First, a birthday greeting: Happy 20th Birthday Cel!

Girls night-out in celebration of Cel's birthday was so fun! I got home at exactly 12 midnight, just in time for my Cinderella curfew. Everyone was so dressed up (dangling earrings, pointy shoes, fancy bags, the works!), it was a bit strange having that feeling that we've all grown up. And as we sat at the Manila Penn's lobby, with 3 frozen margaritas, a Manhattan and a Singapore Sling on our table, plus 2 huge bowls of ice cream (!) , it felt somewhat surreal. I still can't believe we're 20 now! (Okay, I'm still 19, but that's only till a couple more weeks.) For some weird reason, I feel stuck at 18. Every time someone asks me my age I'll have to concentrate real hard in order to remember that I've turned 19, and that I'm turning 20 in 2 months! Odd indeed.

Anyway, it was fun just hanging with the girls, after that horrible SMEG sem, catching up on each other, waiting patiently for their stories to be told, just sitting there having our own "talk show", yakking on and on and on about anything and everything we could think of. It was so relaxing to bask in their presence, sink into the cushioned sofa and watch the animated conversations go back and forth. It was amusing to observe Jill as she tried to look behind her back nonchalantly in order to catch a glimpse of Richard Gomez and Lucy Torres-Gomez (who by the way was stunningly simple and beautiful). Think perfect posture, perfect skin, perfect ponytail. And yet, everything came together not as a glaringly in-your-face type of beauty, but a subtle glow, even as she wore the average white jeans and shirt. As for Richard, let's just say if it was a wee bit darker in the Manila Penn last night, I don't think I'd see him save for his orange shirt. *hehe* I know that sounds mean, but I just didn't really think he would be that tanned! I mean that in the nicest way possible.. *smiles innocently*

Ah yes, you must be wondering why I am typing away here while it's ony 8:16 in the morning. We were supposed to have tennis training today at 7:30 but lo and behold, the courts were wet! And so, because Vane texted that valuable piece of information, halfway to Ateneo, achi and I turned right around and went back home. And so here I am, back to my sedentary lifestyle! (Did you know that sedentary means characterized by or requiring much sitting? Wala lang. I didn't know that's what it mean literally or by definition until a few days ago.)

Anyway, I better go ask permission from my mom if I can play badminton later on with Tersh, Cel (if she goes) and the others. I need my exercise! I don't know if it's going to ruin my tennis, but one day of badminton isn't going to hurt much... I hope! :p

made it past 50!

I've finally driven a golf ball beyond the 50-yard mark! Yipee! *laughs*
October 19, 2005- It was a day I will remember as the day of my first golf victory!
Hoping for many more "victories" to come! Next stop, the 75-yard mark!

I dedicate this milestone to Muri, Rickett and Aaron who did not laugh their butts off even as I was laughing my own butt off! For trying to correct my awkward stiffness, and for being patient with a laughing hyena of a student who did not seem to pick up that well! *laughs*

Ang saya! Nati! We should try this out again next time! It's fun!

four days in.

It's the fourth day of the sem break and already I've given myself a drastic new change. I chopped off around 6 inches of my hair! *laughs* I'm not sure exactly how I like my hair now, some times of the day when I catch my reflection I think "Yipes!" Other times, I think "Hey, it's cute." and most of the time I just think "It's okay. If people don't like it, it'll grow right back!" If you want to see a pic you'll have to ask me! I'm still trying to look for the USB cable for the camera! *laughs*

The good news is, we got the plus 30 for our paper! Yey! Too bad I can't get the paper back, and it was so preeeettty! *laughs* Of course, I'm just saying that because I designed it. I'm not exactly my own worst critic! Anyway, I've got to go eat lunch, take a bath and pay the Am Express bill for my dad. Tsk tsk, I don't even know how! *laughs* My sister always did it, never I. But if it the process is the same as Citibank's (i.e. pressing buttons on an inanimate object), then I guess I'll do okay!

5 days of hell left.

I'm taking a break. (Lookie, with some luck, I was finally able to fix my Archive links! I took away the horizontal rules separating the months too, and it looks much much better to me!)

I'm not really sure how I'm going to fare in my Theology Finals tomorrow. I feel much too calm for my own good. Still, maybe that's a good thing because, I do tend to get better scores when I'm calm than when I'm bothered by a feeling of disquiet.

There are only 5 days left for this semester, but they seem so long! I don't know how I'm going to be able to sufficiently study for the next 4 tests after Theo. I just don't have the time! I need to be able to think up some points for our Philo Orals thesis statements already. I can't cram both OR and Philo at the same time! What was I thinking signing up for a Wednesday schedule? Still, it's better to get everything done as soon as possible. I have no desire to prolong the agony! I just wish the OR test would be easy.

Maybe it could go like this! One Branch and Bound problem. One Cutting Plane problem. One Transportation problem. One Assignment problem. Two linear programming formulations. One Simplex problem. One Dual Simplex problem. And that's it! That's going to take an awful lot of time though, the Stepping Stone Algorithm thing for the Transporation problem takes quite a bit of time. So does the cutting plane! Ayayay! I forgot all about Game Theory! Goodness, our OR test could be about anything! Can't anything be easy? I swear, this semester is really getting on my nerves! I want it done! And fast! (But hopefully with a decent QPI.)

And when I say decent, I don't mean a 3, that's way above decent! Let's just say my standards have lowered significantly since the start of this sem. Anyway, I think I've wasted too much time ranting here. I better get back to my Theology notes.

la-dee-dum

By 8:30 pm, I will get my lazy butt off this chair and go type the rest of our History paper. I've got only one more page to go, and then I'll have to invent page numbers for the quotes from the book by Fr. Schumacher. I went back to the library to try to borrow the book again but it was off the shelf. It's due back tomorrow so maybe I'll borrow it then. Hopefully the person who borrowed it doesn't have plans of paying overdue fees. I really must finish this by tonight. My whole weekend's booked down to the last hour. I can't take it! *whines* And to think I haven't even started trying to fit in any time for our Theology paper... and it's due on Monday! Goodness gracious. God help me! *nervous laughter* I don't know how I'm going to get through this weekend! But I have every intention of starting it off with a bang!

Friday night is not about starting straight away on study mode. SOM Night first! And Taco Bell! I wanna find out if it's all it's cracked up to be! And after I've "earned" those 3 bonus points for our Operations Research long test, I will get my much needed rest before I burst into full-powered study mode. Hope my fuel doesn't run out before Sunday ends. I need to get everything done. Everything.

Whoopsie daisies. It's time for me to leave, however unwillingly, my spot at this computer. Duty awaits. Ta-ta.

going around in circles.

I found this empty scrapbook near my mom's vanity table called "My Life In A Nutshell", one of those scrapbooks where there are little spaces for you to fill up stuff like, "As a kid, I enjoyed playing..." or things like, "My first paycheck amounted to..." As I was flipping through its pages, I realized one thing.

I don't know who I am.

I don't know myself because for some reason, I seem to forget about everything, about my past, events that have supposedly shaped me into who I am today. There's a space there for the fortunate owner of the scrapbook to write, "There have been times when strangers have touched my life. The one that stands out in my memory was..." I stared at it blankly, trying to rack my brain for that one moment when I felt blessed in a stranger's presence. I couldn't think of anything, although something inside me seems sure that I have been graced by such wonderful strangers before.

"The person whom I consider as the greatest hero is..." made me question myself even more. Why couldn't I find one person I could put on a pedestal? Do I not give any importance to all the people in my life? Do I live too much in the moment, never realizing its fleeting temporality? (Is there such a word? Heck, whatever.) What's a blog (or my journal that's rotting away under the schoolwork) worth if even by rereading it, I do not seem to be able to recall those turning points in life? Why the hell am I even here, on this Earth, doing what I am doing now? It disturbs me that I cannot even say what my best travel adventure is, given I always write traveling as one of my interests.

You know how people always say, "The best advice I ever got came from my mom," and they go on and on about this quote that helped shape their decisions in life. I can't even think of one line, although I'm sure a lot of people around me have given their own two cents' worth. Does that mean I don't pay them heed? What is my life worth if I cannot even relate the journey to anyone who would bother to listen? Does this mean I've lived 19 years and still, not really lived at all? Because what is a life without vivid memories? If I can't testify to it, does it even exist?

I am not feeding you some philosophical psychobabble. I am honestly confused. Maybe it's the weather that's gotten me all weird. As I sat by the computer reading on Bond Valuation, I just couldn't help but feel lost. The scrapbook made me feel even more Lost than the survivors on that mysterious island. I've heard about mid-life crisis, but 2-decade-life crisis? My goodness. This must be what that spirituality question during the guidance interview was all about.

I try to live life in all goodness. As much as possible, I try not to hurt anyone's feelings, even if that means being a doormat. I just don't like confrontations and hurt feelings, especially not something I've imposed on others. But I'm sure I've hurt my fair share of people along the way, maybe some unwittingly. That sucks even more... not knowing how you've already wrenched someone's guts. But I'm straying off course somewhat. What am I saying? I don't really know, I'm making no sense, and yet I think I have just written my longest blog entry yet. I guess I'm just living in a state of paranoia, in a state of uncertainty, questioning how I have spent my life so far. The bottom line? I do not feel that I have done anything special in my life. I have not done anything that could justify my existence. I have not done anything that merits the kind of life I'm living. I do not feel I deserve to be as blessed as I am. And maybe, that's the only thing that's driving me too. I have to try to make up for all the things that have been given to me in abundance. I have to prove that I'm not a mere parasite in this world, draining resources, breathing in air that could fill someone's else's lungs.

The question is how.

smeg = stress! mega exag grabe!

Wow, it feels like ages since I last wrote down anything for my blog. School has really got me working like a slave. It sucks when you get up in the morning to look at yourself in the mirror, only to be greeted by the world's biggest eyebags. It sucks that when you get to school, your teachers never return your long tests with any letter mark higher than a C. It sucks that I don't really get to spend real honest to goodness quality time with my friends anymore even when we're together because all we seem to worry about these days is school, school and school. Agh! The stress is just too much to take!

Imagine, this Friday, we have a group presentation for History and we have not written down a single word about the revolutionary clergy! Add to that my second long test for Theology which accounts for 17.5% of my grade! I haven't started reading on that either. Eeeeep. This is baaaaaaad. Do not even get me started on next week. Hayayay.

Everyone's starting to rethink the decision that put us into this miserable hell semester, the decision we made 2 years ago in the ignorance of our fresh-from-high-school-butts' youth. Is M.E. really all it's cracked up to be? Tsk tsk. We have got some serious thinking to do. Spend the rest of our college lives like this, or break free and get even better grades along the way? It sounds like an easy decision, but somehow it's not. I don't exactly want to leave "home".

things i've done.

I found this list on Kevs' blog and thought I'd try it out for myself. While I am a bit concerned about yes, perhaps incriminating myself, I realized that, heck, it's not like I have a hidden wild side to me. And... if it's about the lovey dovey stuff, I can always find some excuses. Classic example: been in love- who's to say if it was really love? Not that I ever had anything like that to mull over. It's just one of the easiest items to avoid!

Anyway, I'm gonna be putting asterisks before the items I've done.

smoked a cigar(ette)
madeout with a member of the same sex
crashed a friend's car
stolen a car
been in love
been dumped
shoplifted
been fired
been in a fist fight
snuck out of my parent's house
*had feelings for someone who didnt have them back - crushes count!
been arrested
made out with a stranger
gone on a blind date
*lied to a friend - and the feeling sucks.
had a crush on a teacher
*been to Europe - art, culture, history! *sigh*
*skipped school - college life and cuts. works fine for me!
slept with a co-worker
seen someone die
had a crush on one of your LJ friends
*been to Canada - a long long time ago.
*been to Mexico - just a stopover on some cruise.
*been on a plane - and i still hate the weird regulated nitrogen-rich air.
thrown up in a bar
purposely set a part of myself on fire
*eaten Sushi - tuna sashimi and wasabi, yum!
been snowboarding
met someone in person from LJ
been moshing at a concert
been in an abusive relationship
*taken painkillers - after I got my teeth pulled out.
*love someone or miss someone right now - don't we all love our friends?
*laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - oddly fun!
made a snow angel
had a tea party
*flown a kite - back in the day (it was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles kite!)
*built a sand castle - sand Parthenon and Coliseum! *laughs*
gone puddle jumping
*played dress up - who never went through the wear-mom's-lipstick-and-heels stage?
jumped into a pile of leaves
gone sledding
*cheated while playing a game - whoopsie!
*been lonely
fallen asleep at work/school
used a fake id
*watched the sunset - especially loved it in Santorini, Greece.
*felt an earthquake - my whole bed was shaking.
touched a snake
slept beneath the stars
*been tickled - wonder who's most guilty of doing this?
been robbed
*been misunderstood - hasn't everybody?
*petted a reindeer/goat - goat, reindeer's a bit exotic for us eh?
*won a contest - the little joys in life!
run a red light
been suspended from school
been in a car accident
*had braces - 3 glorious years...
*felt like an outcast - hey, it happens.
eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night (make that in one hour or less)
*had deja vu - more than thrice now!
danced in the moonlight
*hated the way you look - the morning after a nice long cry.
witnessed a crime
pole danced
*questioned your heart
been obsessed with post-it notes
squished barefoot through the mud
*been lost - in Little Baguio! *laughs*
*been to the opposite side of the country - Davao.
*swam in the ocean
felt like dying
*cried yourself to sleep - don't ask.
*played cops and robbers - kids will be kids!
recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
*sung karaoke - and had a sore throat after!
*paid for a meal with only coins - merienda counts right?
*done something you told yourself you wouldn't - and ended up racking myself.
made prank phone calls
*laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose - embarrassing, but yes.
caught a snowflake on your tongue
danced in the rain
*written a letter to Santa Claus - i still like to believe he exists!
been kissed under a mistletoe
watched the sun rise with someone you care about
*blown bubbles - such fun!
made a bonfire on the beach
crashed a party
*gone rollerskating - rollerblading actually.
had a wish come true
humped a monkey
worn pearls
jumped off a bridge
screamed vagina in class
ate dog/cat food
told a complete stranger you loved them
kissed a mirror
*sang in the shower - every single day.
have a little black dress
had a dream that you married someone
glued your hand to something
got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - how do you do that?!
kissed a fish
*worn the opposite sexes clothes - a girl wearing guy clothes is forgivable. but a guy wearing girls' clothes is something else.
been a cheerleader
sat on a roof top
screamed at the top of your lungs
done a one-handed cartwheel
talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
*stayed up all night - just once, staffing for DWTL.
didnt take a shower for a week
pick and ate an apple right off the tree
*climbed a tree - tried at least!
had a tree house
*are scared to watch scary movies
believe in ghosts
have more then 30 pairs of shoes
worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
gone streaking - what's streaking?
played ding-dong-ditch
played chicken
been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
been told you're hot by a complete stranger
broken a bone
*been easily amused
*caught a fish then ate it - well, technically, my brother caught it.
made porn
caught a butterfly
*laughed so hard you cried - when i make a fool of myself.
*cried so hard you laughed - when i try to stop myself from crying even more.
mooned/flashed someone
had someone moon/flash you
*cheated on a test - once, in grade school, once in high school! i intend to stop there!
*have a Britney Spears CD - and loved it too! *laughs*

So anyway, there goes! I haven't quite lived an interesting life eh? Not that I want to be putting asterisks on some of the ones written above anyhow! I'd much rather have my life as it is now. Although some of the things up there do sound pretty cool. We'll see. I've still got a whole life ahead of me. 19 years down, how many more years to go!

my new goal.

Oh yeah! After watching Adam Brody (I'm sorry if his name has to keep popping up like this. Forgive me, I haven't had a new celebrity crush in a while! *laughs*) on the 10 episodes of the OC's first season I've viewed starting Monday, I have been reintroduced to a piece of transportation that has long been forgotten and thrown into our dark and napthalene-ball scented bodega. My blue skateboard! Yes, I do have a skateboard stashed away somewhere.

When the Mighty Ducks were all the craze, I decided I wanted to try out both rollerblades and the skateboard. I did pretty well with the blades, but the skateboard was a whole other story. And since nobody around knew how to work it, I never had the chance to ask anybody how to ride it. All I could do was stand on it and lean slightly left or right for a really wide turn. Not much of anything really, so I sort of gave up on it.

BUT, now that I've seen Adam Brody cruising along through Orange County's portwalks looking all cool, not to mention cute(!), inspiration has yet again flowed through my veins! So, one of these days, I'm gonna go get that skateboard (although I'm sure it's pretty tattered by now), find some kneepads and get out on the streets to try it out again. I know the kneepads will look kinda geeky, but then, better safe than sorry! I don't want any more sports-inflicted scars on my knees. I've had enough, thank you very much. I've got one from tennis, one from cycling, one from basketball... and the list goes on. *hehehe* I'm so excited to get started! Who knows, if I get good enough, I can buy one of those cool skateboards with the neat designs! *excited by the thought of cool wheels* Who wants to learn along with me?

am i a nerd?

I should really be studying for my History test tomorrow but I still haven't gotten ahold of the outline I'm supposed to be using for my review. Oh, wait! Yipee! Well, it seems I just haven't been checking my e-mail in a bit. Someone sent it through Yahoogroups, alleluia! *smiles* Now I have a 14-page outline to drill into my head. After that, 2 pages of Theology notes to review for our quiz tomorrow. I hope the question tomorrow won't be too hard. I just got an F in our quiz in Philosophy. And here I was thinking I could climb my way to a C, whoopsie, I guess not! *laughs* Oh well, I'll just have to make sure I'll get only A's and C's (preferably only A's) from now on. Cancel the lowest quiz naman e.

Anyway, I'm beginning to think of myself as a nerd. All I ever write about here is school, school, school. But hmm.. nah, I'm not a nerd. I just find it easier to write about these mundane things than about anything that really has to do with me. Not that this has nothing to do with me, but.. I don't know... I just feel like, anyone who reads my blog won't really get a nice clean look at who I really am. Yaks, nagdrama! *laughs* Ah well, who says you have to paint a picture of yourself through a blog anyway? Then again, isn't this the whole reason we're blogging? To let others see a piece of ourselves? A piece of me, yes, but they'll never get to put the puzzle together if they don't have all the pieces. (Goodness, that hour and a half of Philosophy must have really gotten to me, huh?) *hehe*

frustrating...

I never thought this html business could get so frustrating! The computer I'm working on right now has two browsers, Internet Explorer and Mozilla Firefox. On Mozilla Firefox, I don't get to see the fancy scrollbar colors, but the size is perfect. On Internet Explorer, the scrollbar's perfect but the size of the box is too small. I don't get it! Which browser should I use as a standard? A lot of people are shifting to Firefox nowadays. Anyway, while I was able to figure out a solution to the "Comments" problem, I still haven't fixed the archive pages. I don't understand why they won't work, I just copied and pasted the same codes from my old design template. Waaah. Anyway, for now I guess the links for "Other Reads" will have to do. *teehee*

whoopee!

After a few hours of tinkering around with Photoshop and prowling through the net trying to find out how to produce the scrollbar thing on the side, I have succeeded in giving birth to a design that seems functional! Well, I had to forego the Tagboard, but oh well, I guess that's what the "Comments" option is for! When I find the time again, I'll have to fix the links on the sidebar.

Hmm...does anyone know how to make links around images transparent? I mean, so that there won't be another border that signifies it's a link? Am I making sense? *laughs* Anyway, I really should get to sleep now! Have to get rid of this nagging cough! It's going to be another boring day of school tomorrow. Good thing classes end at 10:30 for me! I get to go home early and watch a few more episodes of the OC! I got the inspiration for this design from the OC! You'll never guess how! Well, actually you could... all you'll have to do is take a look at the curly hair of the guy on the picture to your left. *nods head* Adam Brooooooody! *grins like an idiot* He's just too darn cute!

the aftermath.

Listening to: April Sixth- Dear Angel

Aaaaah! I can't stop thinking about that horrid Statistics test we had last Friday. And now, I don't understand some things about our case in Finance. I can get the answer if I use mathematical tricks like the geometric series, but I can't solve the questions using the formulas I got from our teacher. I don't understand why! *argh* I've tried using the formulas, with a little tweaking, and I've gotten the answers, but I don't understand yet why they worked. *laughs* Oh well, whatever.

Anyway, I'll have to remember to download the following songs when I have the time:

1. Bad Day- Daniel Powter
2. Stay- Cueshe
3. Pag-ibig Ko Sa Iyo- Moonstar 88
4. The Mixed Tape- Jack's Mannequin (sounds like Matt Nathanson)
5. Wordplay- Jason Mraz
6. Over My Head (Cable Car)- The Fray

Hey hey hey! *laughs* I decided to search for the formula for the calculation of future values for annuity due, and hey it works! And my formula works too, although I don't fully understand the reason why the formula I invented works! *laughs* I haven't gotten around to figuring out what to do with uneven cash flows yet though. I'll deal with that next time. *hehe*

Hmm.. I wonder if I should change my blog layout to something I cooked up. My brother says it looks nicer than this one, but then someone else said that this one's still better. So hmmm, whose opinion should I trust? :p *laughs* I'll decide one of these days.. besides, I can always change it back to this if the layout doesn't work out nicely!

dumdeedum...

I just realized that I haven't written here in a while! For the past week, it's probably because of that MEAnual I had to design and layout in just 5 days! Goodness gracious, it's a miracle Ferdie and I finished it with just enough time to get it printed for Wednesday's release! I can't wait to see my "baby" in print! *grins* Yeeeeey! I hope it turns out nicely! If it doesn't.. booo... I sacrificed precious hours of sleep for that thing! *hehe* Here's the cover!




Anyway, I still have around 60 pages of my Finance book to read but I'm really not in the mood for it. We're watching a movie in 2 hours so I'm kind of looking forward to that instead. Still, reviews for "War of the Worlds" haven't been good so I'm not expecting much. At least I get to stare at Tom Cruise the whole while. Still, I wish it were Brad Pitt instead! *swoons* I saw an old movie he starred in called "The Devil's Own" (with Harrison Ford) and he looked so handsome there, without the slightest signs of waning youth.

Babbling yet again. I wonder why I never get to write interesting things! All my writing skills have mysteriously disappeared. My brain is mush. I seriously do not want to read my Finance book! *whines* But I better get to it... read at least 10 more pages! Fine, fine. I'm off to torture myself with boredom now. *grabs Finance book grudgingly and plops down to read it*

let's kongo!

After typing and erasing my first sentence 5 times, I decide to forego all the drama, forget about grammar, and just type whatever comes to my mind.

I'm listening to Story of the Year's Sidewalks now after rediscovering it through a fun and brainless Nintendo Gamecube product of ingenuity called Donkey Kongo 2! Sidewalks is one of the songs you can beat the bongo senseless to! It's soooo fun, brings me back to those days when I'd jump around on the Dance Dance Revolution mat connected to our Playstation. The weird thing is, in concept, both games should be the same. Follow the moving arrows/circles and hit the appropriate things as they get to the line. But for some reason, I'm having an extremely harder time with Donkey Kongo! *laughs* But it's way way more fun, too, because you feel like you're this really cool chick who can whack things to a beat, and not like a flouncing bunny stepping on imaginary ants on the floor! Thing is, it's a bit embarrassing (well, that's not the right word) for a 19-year old like me to be going to my cousin's house just to play the game with my cute 6-year old cousin, Josh! *laughs* He has every right to be playing the game while I seem a little bit too old to be having so much fun, sometimes even more fun than he does when we play the duet mode together! Oh well... I better have all the fun I can before we get forced out into the real world. Who knows when I'll get the chance to just be a kid again?

rant rant rant.

Rotten luck + stupidity = bad day.

1. A random number of 396 means you don't get any decent class choices for the semester that decides your life!
2. 47,542.35 is not written as forty seven thousand, five hundred forty-two pesos and thirty-two centavos only!
3. A 7:30-9:00 class in the morning followed by a 4:30-6:00 class in the afternoon gives you a 7-hour and 30 minute break in between!

Can I cry? I was so irritable this morning after getting my classes because it just plain sucked to have all the classes close in your face. I couldn't get a decent class, I couldn't even get a decent schedule! I am so ready to go charging through the departments tomorrow in order to abuse my "athlete powers" and get my load revisions all sorted out.

On the other side of the coin:

1. While I got stuck with a Dacanay class, I get to be classmates with my high school kabarkada, Diane, again! Yeeey!
2. I got a "get-out-of-practice-free" card and had lunch with my friends at CPK.

So, today wasn't a total loss. Tomorrow is going to prove to be a difficult day though. I'll have to change the schedules for 4 of my classes, obtain a letter from the Athletics office, talk to all the chair persons of all 4 departments, and pay my tuition. If only I hadn't made that stupid booboo with the check. Anyway, past is past. I'll just have to get it done and over with tomorrow. For now, I'll relax and just chill. I've got to wake up at 5:30 am tomorrow. I have no idea what I'm doing manning the IAC booth, but oh well! *hehe* It's better than wasting time at home I guess. So I guess I better hit the sack by 9 to get my 10 hours worth of sleep! *hehehe* Ms. sleepyhead is in the house!

boracay!

White sand. Clear skies. Sparkling blue ocean.

Grabe! 10 years- Boracay sure has changed! No longer are the shores lined with coconut trees leaning outwards towards the sea, they're now lined with hundreds of souvenir shops, cute little hotels, restaurants and bars. I should have known from all the stories about people getting drunk at Cocomanga's that there was a booming night life in Boracay, I just didn't realize that it's become that crowded there. Thank goodness we stayed at Friday's which was away from all the bustle at Station 2. There, my brother and I spent mornings trying to build sandcastles! Operative word being TRY. They were pathetic attempts, really. The decent ones looked like those igloo-type houses straight out of Tatooine from Star Wars. Our last two were meant to look like the Coliseum in Rome and the Parthenon in Greece. My mom guessed right on both so I guess they sort of looked like the real things! *hehe*

The sand felt so good between the toes! It was fun just sitting there on the beach at night, wiggling my toes around in the cool white powdery sand and watching the waves roll in and out of shore as a breeze blew. I guess the best word to describe Boracay at night (away from the bars and down by the shore) is romantic. Ayan na, lumalabas na ang pagka-lovey dovey! It was just so soothing! I could have fallen asleep there if the family had decided to stay out longer.

Oh, I saw Sir Danton outside of Cafe del Sol at D'Mall! *hehe* He's so funny talaga! I waved hello, and he said "Oh, hi! Naku, ang rami palang students dito ngayon! I have to behave myself!" *laughs* I made a booboo though. My dad told me I was sort of disrespectful because I didn't introduce them to my teacher. I laughed when I thought how I could have introduced Sir Danton to them. "Pa, this is my English teacher, he's the one who said that Jolly Spaghetti looks like a mop!" *laughs* And then I rememberd, I could have just reintroduced them pala because Sir Danton already knows my dad as Ato. I think they attended the same seminar or convention before. But anyway... there's always next time, I guess?

Anyway, I'm a bit at a loss right nowl, don't really know what else to write down. I guess too much fun in the sun melted some of my brain cells. Still, it's a welcome change from all the worrying about Math 151! Speaking of which, grades come out in 2 days! Eeeeeep!

that's odd.

What's odd? Well, I posted an entry earlier in the day, and Blogger seems to have saved it, but it's not appearing when I try to open my blog. Oh well. Maybe it's just on my computer.

I just set a new record for myself! For how long it took me to use up the ink of my trusty yellow highlighter. I thought the previous one I used up had a fairly short life, around the length of a regular semester. Well, this highlighter of mine, made by Faster lasted only 3 weeks! Yes, it lived up to its name alright! Faster, kasi Faster rin maubos! *hehe* Corny, I know... sorry. That's why you don't catch me cracking jokes, cause I make up really lame ones! *laughs*

I'm so excited to watch the new soap that's airing on ABS-CBN tonight! Yeeey! I just don't know what time it's going to be on, so I guess I'm going to have to sit down in front of the TV soon so I won't miss it. Ms. Couch Potato is up for another round of TV!

rambling yet again.

Listening to: Incomplete- Backstreet Boys

I just finished reading Nati's blog and realized that, "O nga noh!! We only have 9 days of school left! Whoopeedoo!" But before we get to that finish line, we have the following to accomplish:

1. 2nd Math Problem Set (due on Thursday)
2. Economics Finals (Friday, tackling Chapters 9-15)
3. Economics Research Paper (due next Monday, 5 pages)
4. 3rd Math Long Test (next Wednesday)

While it may not seem like a long list, it's going to provide for more than enough stress. I am most worried about the paper right now. I'm not exactly sure why especially since I got assigned to a fairly easy subject. Maybe because it's so simple, I'm going to have to find a way to make it look and sound more scholarly... Anyway, now that we're at the final stretch, I can't afford to mess up! I hope I get through unscathed. I'm so excited for Boracaaaaaaayyyy! *big grin*

Anyway, I just saw the Backstreet Boys' new video, Incomplete, on Myx today! *laughs* It's fun to go back to those teenybopper days. They've all grown so much older though! Goodbye to the Nick Carter with the floppy hair, everyone's matured! Although, AJ still looks the same, down to the same ski cap and goatee look. Anyway, I never realized when I heard the song on the radio that it would be from a boyband making a comeback. (Are they making a comeback or just recording for old times' sake?) Whatever the case, I actually enjoy listening to this song! It's got a different vibe to it, must be the violin in the background. The more I listen to it though, the more I question why I never recognized Nick Carter's slightly scratchy, totally distinctive voice. *hehe* I don't think it's the type of song that most people would like though.

Listening to: Behind These Hazel Eyes- Kelly Clarkson

I have 14 more page to read for Chapter 14 of our Economics book. It's hard to believe that I've actually read around 400 pages of our book! Compare that to one page for my Math book this summer! *laughs* And to think it's been only.. what, 3-4 weeks? For someone who normally does not bother opening books, and buys books only so that I'll have something to look to in times of emergencies, 400 pages is quite a feat!

Can I whine? It's sooooooo hot. And our electricity bill's skyrocketing so we can't just open the airconditioner whenever we feel hot, no matter how sticky the feeling gets. It doesn't help that I'm always home alone these days. Opening the air-conditioner is not justified when it's opened for the benefit of only one (me). I'll have to wait 'til my siblings get home! *waaaah*

strange condition.

I wonder when Sir Bataller will return our Math long tests. The suspense is killing me. So far, I'm safely over the 100 passing mark. I've passed, but by how much? I hope he's generous with partial points! *crosses fingers* I know I said I would forget about that test, but I just can't! I can't believe what a nerd I've been today. Yesterday, on a Friday, I started reading a few pages of our assigned readings for Eco. Now, I'm trying to read Chapter 7 of Mankiw's book, (not that I'm making any progress) but the mere fact that I'm opening my book on a Saturday night is pretty... disturbing. Unnatural at the very least. *hehe*

Grr... my throat still hurts. Of course, seeing the now-familiar first spew of bloody phlegm whenever I get coughs and colds didn't help either. Sorry for being so gross... I remember the first time I saw that, I panicked: instantly went online to check out the symptoms of tuberculosis (although thinking it ridiculous that someone like me would have it). As expected, it wasn't TB. *hehe* And it only happens on the first day I have coughs so, I don't really know what that means. Does my throat have a scar or something? Pretty weird if it does. For now, this strange condition of mine shall remain a mystery. *hums to Pete Yorn's Strange Condition*

crazy about jordi.

Listening to: Blind by Lifehouse

I was prowling through the Internet when I found these! New additions to my must-have list! Actually, I've never had a must-have list, but I've just got to get my hands on one of these! The wallets are just so cute! And don't even get me started on the messenger bags! Aaaaah! Why wasn't I born in Spain so I can have unlimited access to wonderful Jordi Labanda merchandise? And at cheaper prices too! *sigh*

*drools* Cute, cute, cute!

Whoa! The door just slammed shut! I find that very odd considering it's an extremely hot summer day absent of any refreshing gusts of wind! I actually went to school in shorts today, no longer caring if people think it inappropriate. To hell with it, it's just way too hot to be wearing jeans when the denim ends up sticking to your legs. *makes face* Thank goodness I don't have any SOM classes this summer lest I be subjected to the wrath of our beloved dean whose nostrils flare up at the slightest sight of skin. *hehehe*

pasalubongs galore.

Wheeee! My parents came home from a convention in Shanghai (with a little side-trip to Hongkong for shopping) last night and I got some pretty neat pasalubongs! Here's what I got:

1. Jordi Labanda notebook with holographic cover - The reason why I'm so happy with this one is because Sketchbooks (at Greenbelt 3) is for some weird reason, no longer selling the Jordi Labanda stuff I love so much. I've been there two times in the last 6 months and still no sign of any new Jordi Labanda merchandise. Hehe, I still have 3 Jordi Labanda notebooks stored away. They're just too pretty to be written on! *laughs* Still haven't found something worth writing in those notebooks.
2. Jordi Labanda pencil case- Yey! I finally have something to replace my old Jordi Labanda metal pencil case that has rusted all over from the abuse it's received in the last year or so.
3. Skechers slip-on sneakers- Finally! I can finally retire my old Diesel slip-on sneakers that have become yellow instead of white and are constantly the butt of insults from my mom! She finally realized that I would not retire it unless I can replace it with something that looks similar and serves the same purpose! *hehe*
4. Diesel sneakers- Cuuuute! They're futuristic! Can't find another way to describe them cause they're made out of suede and this shiny material that reminds me of spaceships!
5. Pink bikini- Yey! Looks like my mom took care of the swimsuit shopping for me! I can't wait for our Boracay trip on May! Sun, surf, sand! Anything away from the impending stress of classes, I'll take it!
6. Only Jeans- Oooohh... considering they're not the typical cut of jeans that fit me, they fit pretty well! I'll have to have them cut first though!

Considering they only had 2 days worth of shopping, they sure did a great job at it! It's always after these business trips of theirs that I realize time and again how well they know me! I loved everything they got me. Ang galing! *hehe*

feeling hot hot hot.

On a normal school day, being given 60 pages of readings is not too bad, especially when you've got 6 subjects that could have contributed to that mountain of a pile. But if it's the first day back in school (summer classes) and you have 60 pages to read for only two subjects, well, that's a different story altogether.

After reading exactly 39 pages of Mankiw's Macroeconomics for tomorrow, I have no desire whatsoever to open my Math book. Heck, the title itself is enough to discourage me! "An Introduction to Mathematical Statistics and its Applications" Waaahhh... I can't believe I was actually excited to have summer classes when I went to sleep last night. Goodness. What was I thinking? *laughs* I am going to diiiieeeeee! Not just from the prospect of failing Math, (seeing all those weird notations that Cel and I described as Arabic on the board today made my knees go weak), but also from the unforgiving heat that screams "Welcome back to the Philippines!" to all those lucky enough to escape for a few glorious weeks of perfect California weather. And how about those who had snowflakes settling on their eyelashes while some of us sat here melting like butter? The only thing I have over those who went abroad is my getting used to this weather. Well... I still complain every hour or so, I guess staying in that air-conditioned office for two weeks gave my body the illusion of being somewhere farther from the equator. *hehe* I am sooo stocking up on shorts and skirts! Why is it so hot this summer anyway?

Hayayay! I'm bankrupt na! I had to borrow money just to buy the two books required by the two subjects who both assigned two chapters to read for tomorrow's class! Odd thing is, both books turned out to have orange covers! Just a random thing to say... I am soooo bored. Anyway, I better put some money into my wallet so I can pay off all my debts. Plus, speaking of books! I just realized I have to change my messenger bag for a backpack! The books won't fit into my sky blue Billabong bag now, so I'll have to put it in another blue Billabong bag (this time ocean blue and white in color with accents of orange), resurrected from the dead! *laughs* I remember the last trip I used that bag on, we went to Phuket back in 2002... (I miss Phuket... I doubt we're going back though, my mom's too scared of the spirits she says are roaming its beaches...)

Hmm... I'm starting to become extremely disorganized with my thoughts. I think I better sign out now before I end up saying something stupid, if I haven't already! *laughs*

DL semester as notes payable

Again I stare, not knowing what to write.

Grades-wise, I should be happy! And I am! *laughs* I just managed to get myself on the DL. Whew. Thanks to a wonderfully ended semester with Sir Darwin and his kind kind revised grading system and the fairly easy fourth long test. Thanks to Sir Bayot for awarding me an A and for all the bonus points without which I would not have made the 95 needed for the first letter of the alphabet we want so much to see on our grade sheets. Admittedly, I skipped around SEC when I saw that A in Eco. *sheepish smile*

On the flipside, no thanks to my Filipino teacher who did not give Kevs his well-deserved grade, and did not let me slip by with a B when I was sooooo close. Of all the times to get a C+ in Filipino, it had to be the very last one. I always managed to squeeze by with a B. First with Capino in Fil 11, and then with our pare, Mikael in Fil 12. Now, well, our teacher just broke my Filipino B streak. I can only breathe a sigh of relief that all my other subjects seemed to fit in just right for the DL combination.

Why so desperate for that DL? Well... it's a stupid story, really. Back in the day when Math was an easy thing, back in the day when my study habits had not yet started their steady decline, back when I was so scared of college life that I'd wake up in the morning earlier before classes just to go through my notes again, well basically, back in the first semester of my first year in Ateneo. (What an introduction, I just had to make you all dizzy.) Where was I? (See, even I got lost. But then again, I always can't seem to remember what I want to say!) Ah yes, I got onto the DL without much hoopla. Somehow, it didn't seem like too much stress, or too much work. Compared to what I put in today, that semester was well, forgive me for sounding full of air, but it felt effortless.

Because it felt so effortless, I didn't think that getting on the DL was such a biggie. I guess that's the mistake of having been blessed so early on, you tend to take it for granted. So when there was a DL ceremony, I completely shrugged it off. I didn't even tell my parents about it. Needless to say, I didn't go and I just got the merit card from Bellarmine Hall one day when I had the time. The "trouble" started when my mom got to talk to an officemate of hers who happened to have a son in Ateneo. That officemate of hers started talking about her son and how she went to this ceremony for Dean's Listers. My mom stood there with a quizzical look, knowing that I got on the DL, and yet not knowing anything about this event that to me, seemed merely a place for parents to show off their roosters (i.e. us). She stood there with a muscle smile, gears churning in her head, a big question starting to form at the back of her mind.

At the dinner table, as I innocently put a spoonful of rice into my mouth, she started with her story. She looked at me at the end of it accusingly and said "I looked stupid there not knowing what this ceremony was all about with a horrifying realization that my daughter did not tell me anything. I would have wanted to go!" (Of course, she said all this in Chinese, which made it sound even more oh-no-inducing.) And of course, I didn't tell her why I never mentioned the ceremony to her and decided for myself that I didn't want to go. She would never have understood that, heck, even I think myself a little stupid now too. I mean really, when else could I have gotten on the DL? So she tells me, "You shouldn't have decided not going for yourself! We're part of that decision..." she paused and continued, "You owe me another DL semester so I can go to this ceremony. I'm holding this over you." *big gulp*

The next two semesters after that glorious first semester were clouded with disappointment. Finally, the so-called bengga semester came along. As Nati would say (in that way only she can,) "This is it!" I quickly realized it wasn't going to be such a smooth-sailing ride after all. Piles and piles of papers and handouts started providing carpet cover to our little blue study room. Accounting got me sad for a night or two. Filipino got me biting my fingernails each time we had a long quiz/test. Eco, at least for the first part of the semester, had me straining my already weak hearing to catch Sir's lectures and occasional emotion-filled muras. But thankfully, everything DID fall into place, (save for Filipino) everything that needed falling into place anyway. Praise the lords, alleluia, I have just paid off my life's biggest "notes payable!"

One more time, let's hear that sigh of relief. *whew* My mom better not expect anything after this! *laughs* Nah, of course, for personal satisfaction, I want another DL semester. Let's see when I can manage to scrape another one by.

in the heat of it all.

Holy Week's over and I'm back in the sweltering heat of Manila after savoring the cool breeze of Tagaytay for 5 straight days. I want to go back there and stand outside at night under the stars- stars that can't be seen from the window here because of all the metropolitan smog. It was a surprise to see hordes of people at Tagaytay Highlands when most of its patrons were absent the past couple of years, probably living their jet-setter lifestyles and traveling abroad. And it was a bit lonely, with the last of the girls (Aileen) sending a goodbye message as she flew to Boracay. Nati, Cel, Terri and Jill are elsewhere. And it's me, all by my lonesome here in Manila.

Argh. I still have to work on the stuff I promised my sister I'd do for her Marketing project. (And yes, she still has classes because of JTA.) Waaah. I'm so tired. I have too little time left to relax. Today, I was "working" from 8 in the morning to 5 in the afternoon. I'm sort of interning at this company that makes all sorts of stuff. It's called Toys By Robin, but they do packaging designs too. Like today, Essh was working on new designs for the Ice Monster bowls. I'm going to be there for the next two weeks. It's been fun though, getting to "render" stuff. Maybe I'll post some of the things I did onto my blog sometime. But for now, I'm just really tired. I have piano lessons tomorrow morning, so I'm going to go to their office after lunch. I've been learning Pachelbel Canon in D, which always seems to be the recital piece for the leading ladies in Korean movies! (examples: The Classic and My Sassy Girl) It's supposed to be a fairly easy song, but it's proving very difficult for my fingers to follow my head! The melody keeps playing inside my head but sadly, my fingers don't seem to be pressing the right keys and the playful tune stays right there in my head while the sounds coming from the piano sound downright ugly. Still, I've only had one hour of lessons, I'll get better... at least I hope so! *laughs*

Listening to: Butch Walker's Mixtape

I don't know why I like this song so much. It's a sad song but, maybe that's how I'm feeling right now? Naahh. Me, sad? *laughs* That hasn't happened in a long and I mean, loooooong time! Which is a good thing, not only good, it's great! *grins* Anyway, still doesn't erase the fact that I'm sleepy. Hmm... somebody's bugging me to stop writing in my blog for now. Sheesh, the only time I get to go on the Internet and he starts shooing me away again. Shoti talaga o, buong araw na nga nasa harap ng computer. Anyway... I have to go! Good night!

first day of summer.

The first day of summer vacation and it's raining... that's odd. Anyway, I'm going to be spending most of the day at home being a complete bum. I'm not too keen on that idea, but half of the day's over and all I've done is get out of bed, take a bath and plop myself down on this computer chair. Yey, shoti and I have been downloading songs like crazy over the past few days so I have around 15 nice songs to listen to over and over again... some are pretty old but since we lost some of the files before we're just downloading them again. For lack of anything better to write, I'm going to put the playlist down here! These are mostly alternative/rock types of songs... with a few exceptions towards the end!

1. Better Than Ezra- A Lifetime (probably the oldest in this list)
2. Dashboard Confessional- As Lovers Go (last summer: Shrek 2)
"You've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion but I swear you've got me all wrong... but you've got me."
3. Jimmy Eat World- Work
4. Matt Nathanson- Suspended
"It's not enough to stay awake, torn, braced, cornered and not feel alive."
5. The Calling- Anything
6. The All-American Rejects- Time Stands Still (must be old too)
7. Lifehouse- You And Me
8. Yellowcard- View from Heaven
"If we all believe in heaven, maybe we'll make it through one more year down here."
9. Howie Day- Collide
"I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind."
10. Butchwalker- Mixtape
"No I can't find the words 'cause I lost them the minute they fell out of my mouth."
11. Parokya Ni Edgar- Alumni Homecoming (typical Parokya ni Edgar)
12. Sister Hazel- World Inside My Head
"The path was greener on the one less traveled. That's where I remained."
13. Love.45- Way Down (a bit loud)
14. Low Millions- Mockingbirds
15. 3 Doors Down- Let Me Go (playing on the radio nowadays)
16. Sister Hazel- Your Mistake (at least a year old but still nice)
"I want to be rain that tastes like wine."
17. Missy Higgins- Scar (girly pop)
"I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys."
18. Lucie Silvas- What You're Made Of (semi-senti!)
"Just like I predicted, I will sink before I swim."

Ooh, can i share? (Duh, what am I doing writing here if not to share?) *hehe* Anyway, Sir Darwin is an angel! The last accounting test was a bit of a giveaway, I just MIGHT make it to a B! I just hope that as Marts would put it, everything falls into place. And please Sir, don't give me another 1/5 for recitation... although okay, if I do get a mere 1, I guess I deserve it. *hehe* Still, can't blame me for my wishful thinking. I knew I couldn't count on our ethnography to raise my SA grade to an A, but getting a 92 for it ain't bad! So I'm happy. Now it's all about my Economics, Accounting and Filipino grades balancing out and hopefully giving me enough to get on the DL. Look at me, it's summer and I've still got grades on my mind. Iba na talaga ang GC. But I haven't always been like this. I guess the first semester traumatized me. That was such a sorry performance. Anyway, as Terri kept saying yesterday, "Out of sight, out of mind." Put it all behind now. *grins*

looking forward: ang hinaharap

I'm 20 hours away from the test that would decide my fate... I want to make it to the DL so badly, but if I screw up tomorrow, then everything will be for naught. Eeeeep! I don't even know if Sir Bayot would be kind enough to give me an A in Economics. Everything's teetering on the edge right now. I don't really know where I stand anymore. And it's making me soooo nervous, the nail-biting type of nervous that only happens when I'm in Escaler Hall, fidgeting in my seat, staring at my Accounting test, all while twirling my hair. Talk about displaced energy. If only all that fidgeting would make my neurons start firing away. I am so sick of talking about school and worrying about my grades, but sadly, I just can't escape my GC-ness. It's only for another day. Afterwards, I am going to make CHILL my middle name! I can taste the salty seas of summer already.

*to guys who do not want to read about something distinctly female, please skip this part.*

Speaking of summer, I want a new bikini! *hehehe* But then, it's hard to look for bikinis when my frontage resembles a... surfboard. *bleh* Whenever I hear Cel complain about her lack of endowment I can only look down and think "If she only knew..." because if Webster decided to make a fully-illustrated dictionary, my picture would be right there under the word "flat-chested". My genes have failed me. Whereas my sister got lucky in the gene lottery, I got the raw deal. *tsk tsk* Still, as I always say, it's so much better to wear a padded bra than to go and have breast reduction surgery. I should consider myself lucky! *laughs* Still doesn't change the fact that it's hard to buy bikinis though. Anyway...

*resume reading here.*

Instead of again going to China for the May break, we're going to Boracay instead! Yipee! I've been wanting to go back there for a long time. The last time I wiggled my toes in the powdery white sand was in 1995, way before some of the famed establishments today were even set up. So... I'm really looking forward to that trip. I just hope it doesn't get cancelled or anything. For the April break though, my mom's got all sorts of activities lined up for me... I just hope she doesn't give me tennis overload, I've already got varsity training waiting for me. I'm looking forward to taking piano lessons though... learn a few nice pieces over the summer. *flexes fingers* Maybe this time I won't mind dealing with Beethoven anymore. (I used to hate his compositions. They're always sad, creepy and worst of all, hard to play! *laughs*)

like my fave pair of jeans.

You're looking for a Best Friend

There are many different ways to look at relationships, but for you, finding a best friend, the one person you share everything with, is the most important. Some people focus more on the romantic image of a soul mate to last the span of time, but you probably prefer the reality of making the most of every moment of every day. And who better to live those moments with than someone who's true blue through and through?

The ideal match for you is probably someone who can anticipate the next word out of your mouth and who laughs at the punch line before you even tell it. Chances are it's important to you that they'd expand your circle of friends, introduce you to new places, faces, and experiences, too. Whether this relationship is here for the short- or the long- term, you're a take-it-as-it-comes kind of person, with few expectations or fairytales to live up to. You'd take your constant companion and trusted secret-keeper over a fairy princess or Prince Charming, any day. Whether you realize it or not, there's someone out there who feels the same way about you.

This is pretty cool. I always told myself that I wanted someone a bit like a best friend to me when Cupid comes knocking. (Yes, even with my supposed boy-hater streak.) Didn't realize how true these tests could be! It's a bit weird in a way. Why a best friend? For all the reasons already stated in the results above. I don't know why, but I think I'd pick comfort over chemistry any day, (Aileen, remember us talking about this at the bench?) the same way I'd rather wear my favorite pair of jeans than struggle into gorgeous, form-fitting, but highly uncomfortable designer ones. At least that way, you're true to yourself, not having to doll yourself up just to face the world.

jumping on the bandwagon.

I saw this on Cel's blog, she in turn got this from her friend Meme's. She was right, these tests are ego-boosters alright! *laughs* I still don't understand how they make up these answers though. I wonder how many "types" there are. So far, there's Cel's "choosy" and my "desirable." (wahahaha!)

Men See You As Desirable Men often find you immediately attractive and sensual. Your honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys in. You are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggage. Packing light means you enjoy new relationships easily. How Do Men See You? Take This Quiz :-)

Ooh, here's another one. I'm white chocolate! I expected to get milk chocolate like Cel did, but it seems we're just two very different people. There are only three types of chocolate though. Milk, dark and white. Right? Or not... Hmm, which should have given me a 33% chance of getting the same thing as Cel... I always thought of myself as a dreamer too, but then again, this is fine too... *grins*

You are White Chocolate You have a strong feminine side with a good bit of innocence thrown in.Whether your girlish ways are an act or not, men like to take care of you.You are an understated beauty, and your power is often underestimated! What Kind of Chocolate Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

on school, seahorse-chocolates and shopping.

What do you do when you've got too much time on hand?

Well, if you were me, you'd be wasting it all by bumming around as well. I have roughly 60 pages of History handouts to read for our lecture and quiz tomorrow but I have yet to bring out the pages from my folder. I really shouldn't be talking about school again. Sadly, I just have nothing else to write about. And if I do, it would be about things I'd rather keep to myself. Sorry guys. I'm boring the life out of you.

Things at school are looking up though. If rumors are to be believed, Sir Darwin's devising another way of scoring our third long tests. (Yes! It seems I won't get stuck with a 25/100 after all! And yes, my test was that bad.) With the new scoring, all I'll have to do is ace our fourth and final test next Thursday. I doubt I'll be making a repeat performance of our third long test by that time. I'd like to think I've grasped the concept of differential accounting by now! And then there's History class with Ms. Coo. We get to take bonus points based on the number we roll on the 8-sided dice she's bringing to class tomorrow. Whoopee! So long as I don't screw up tomorrow I'm pretty much safe for the exemption. *fingers crossed* Hope whoever rolls that dice tomorrow gets a lucky 8!

Oh yeah, I got swept away with the "Caselet" provided by the real-world case group today. Imagine formulating your own mini-test out of their case! Goodness... It could very well have passed for a sample long test, complete with the spoofed title of "A Very Long Confinement," typical of the trends by which Sir Darwin makes our tests. Who could forget the tests referring to "Troy", "Spiderman" and "Legally Blonde?" Yep, our teacher certainly has a sense of humor. On rare occasions, you might even catch him cracking corny jokes in the middle of his lecture. Remember the proud face he wore when he finished that drawing of the pig he used to introduce the concept of joint costs? It was so funny! He looked like a kid who had just gobbled a handful of M&M's.

Speaking of M&M's. I still have that box of Guylian Perles d'Ocean chocolates in the fridge. Tempting. I think I better grab one of those seahorse-shaped ones now. Isn't it weird though? I haven't exercised much for the last 2-3 weeks, what with tennis training having stopped after the UAAP and the PE classes done and over with, but I've lost 3 pounds over the last 2 weeks, even with all the sinful chocolate I've been stuffing myself with (thanks to a baaaaad but terribly generous benefactor :p ). Of course, that's cool, losing the pounds I gained a few months back, but then again... what's weight if the inches are still there? I am never going to fit into my favorite high school jeans again. *boohoo* That gives me an excuse to buy more new jeans though! *big grin* So... once classes are over I am going to head over to a mall and shop myself silly, until I've exhausted most of the money I've got set aside for clothes. I can't wait!

After the GAP 3 at Dencio's Capitol Hills, after trying on those Bebe Jeans that fit perfectly down to the length, I've realized that perhaps, the perfect set of jeans aren't so hard to find after all. Shopping requires patience after all. Shopping is an art, a science and a sport. It not only practices your mathematical skills (How much are these jeans tagged at P1295 if there's a 20% discount?), it not only sharpens your eyes (Yes, there's still a size S for this shirt!), but shopping helps cut down on calories as well (150-300 calories burned per hour)! Yup, shopping sure has its advantages, the only non-perk of it being the deflated wallets and empty pockets. Of course, it only takes a few weeks or months of saving up to finance the next shopping expedition. And then, malls, watch out! (Goodness, if Cel and Tersh take on a mall at the same time, that mall better be ready alright!) *laughs*

last song syndrome

“Because you live, I live.”

It’s another cheesy line from another cheesy love song. After listening to Ryan Cabrera’s “True” at least twice a day for the past few weeks, I have grown a bit tired of it. So it’s time to replace it with another song that would service my LSS for the next few days or weeks. Jesse McCartney’s “Because You Live” is fast topping the “Most Played” smart-list on my IPod. The Aaron Carter look-alike coincidentally sounds like the big brother, Nick Carter, reminding me of my grade school teeny-bopper days with the matching choreographed dances to Backstreet Boys classics like “Quit Playing Games with My Heart.”

Ah yes, the good old days when we could just run through the playgrounds without a care save for the gasp-inducing 7/10 quiz. Nowadays, getting a 75 on an accounting test can merit joy. Yep, you can just see how my personal standards have gone down the drain over the years. Time and experience have funny ways of changing you. And I’m not just talking about contentment with regards to grades.

A lot about me has changed over the years, with each experience either putting up a new wall around my optimism or sanding down whatever wooden parts of my heart. On some days, I wonder why I react to certain things a certain way and yet come off completely contradictory when reacting to another similar situation. Sometimes, I wonder why I never got around to writing stories the way I’ve been wanting to since Grade 5. Sometimes, I wonder why I’m taking up Management Engineering in Ateneo and enduring all these long nights for a CPI that does not even reach the much-coveted 3.35 mark. Sometimes, I wonder why I never found the courage to pack my bags and try out university life in the States, why I never got the nerves to pass a college application someplace else. And always, I wonder why all I do is sit here and ponder when I should be out there trying to get back on the track of my dreams.

fashion dilemma: go for rock chic

My head hurts. I have no idea why. I got a decent amount of sleep last night. My day at school wasn't particularly hectic either. So, what gives?

Anyway, I just wrapped up my Filipino reflection paper on the play we watched two Fridays ago. If I get another D on this one I am going to cry. I think I did a better job on this one. Plus, this one's packed with nicely-put bull. But, bull works. At least most of the time! *laughs* Give me a B and I'll rejoice to the heavens above! I've exhausted all the possible symbolisms for the first of the three performances. Please don't let Ms. Bellen write another comment that says I did nothing more than state the postcolonial characteristics. I think I've gone beyond just stating the obvious now. I think.

It was amusing to see the number of people walking around schools with flowers or balloons in hand today. I don't think I've ever noticed that before. Last year, I was too much of a cynic to notice, or even care. This year, I don't know.

Choosing my outfit today was an experience in itself. Char told us that we had to wear something yellow for MEAMore week. So this morning, I opened my cabinet door on the prowl for a yellow shirt. I was faced with three choices. A shirt that said "Done with Love," another that screamed "Single," and another that merely said "Rock Chic". The choice was obvious. I went for the last one. Valentine's Day is not exactly the day for wearing statement shirts! Goodness, I wouldn't want to break everyone's bubbles by coming off as this bitter girl donning either of the two other shirts. *laughs*

just bored.

I stayed home today so I could get started on the History readings we need to have taken to heart by Wednesday. So far, I've only read one article out of the four assigned to us. I'm not going anywhere. And I don't mean that just figuratively. Looks like I'm going to be stuck here at home tonight. I don't believe I've had this much alone time since my high school days. I don't know if I miss it or I dread it. I do need the time to think and unwind, but sometimes, the silence and all the thinking can make you go mad. My sleepyhead tendencies are acting up again too. This is baaaad. I am bored out of my wits.

Oh wow! I just saw my mom's dress, designed as always by Nono Palmos. It's a Filipiniana-inspired dress with a modern twist, lots of sparkly beading on the hand-painted yellow pinya cloth. (At least I think it's pinya, there's a term for it, I just can't remember it at the moment). It's so pweeety! I wouldn't mind wearing it. I wonder if my mom would allow me to try it on later. *hehehe*

telenovela addiction.

I'm watching "Save The Last Dance For Me" now on TV. Looks like I'm going to have another show to catch every day! I like this far better than "Lovers in Paris," at least from what I'm seeing so far. It's not dragging at all. And this Francis/Adrian guy is way cuter than either Carlo or Martin! *laughs* Oh my, "Till Death Do Us Part" looks interesting too! Oh no! I'm going to be a TV addict at this rate! Hmm... Diether's hair looks pretty funny... Okay, not just pretty funny, really funny! I liked him so much better back in his Gimik days with G. Toengi. And I just realized something, Dominic Ochoa always plays the martyr guy who gets replaced with another guy. Think, "Got to Believe" and now this!

Oooohhh... This is interesting. "Sino ba ang pipiliin mo? Si hospital o si funeraria?" *laughs* My goodness, I can't believe Kristine Hermosa's lola asked her to choose between the two guys in front of both of them! Nightmaaaare! *laughs* Oooh! I just spotted Chinie on the Johnson's Pure Essentials Face Powder commercial with Shaina Magdayao! Wala lang. :D Okay, I'm babbling yet again. I think I better stop with all this telenovela talk.

verbal omelette.

Verbal omelette (definition): A dish consisting of beaten thoughts and ideas cooked until set and folded over, often around a filling. Served verbally.

It's lovey-dovey hour! Yes, this line is going to sound cheesy, but I just couldn't resist plucking it out of a Ryan Cabrera song... "If I'm blind now, and all this was a dream, at least the dream was about you." Doesn't it sound like a line right out of a telenovela complete with sad watery puppy eyes and a mellow piano ensemble? I can just imagine how it might play out! *laughs* Anyway, don't think that the resident, self-proclaimed boy-hater (who does break occassionally, particularly when a 6'3" basketball player with the same jersey number as yours truly passes along SEC walk), has turned over a new leaf and has gone to the dark side! I'm still Ms. Optimistic-About-Everything-Except-Love.

Ooohh... I just recently discovered the wonders of photobucket.com!



That's a picture of us last Sunday at Rizal Racket after the awarding. Happy looking bunch of people, eh? *laughs* I like how this picture turned out. It looks au naturelle. Candid. Real. Saturated with the very essence of life. Wheh? You probably get my drift! Forgive me. I'm a little out of it today. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or just the whole "hell semester" getting the best of me. Still, I was pretty happy when Sir Darwin discussed the answers to our Accounting long test today. Wheeee! I just might make it over 85! Yipeee, what luck! What joy! I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that my makeshift algebraic proof would merit the full 12 points. If not, well, tough luck but I'm still happy! *big grin*

finally over.

I'm staring at a little blue box beside me. A little blue box that holds something I wish were a different color. The exhausted part of me is relieved that I will not be having additional bruises on any of my limbs any time soon. I'm such a slowpoke sometimes. Can't seem to get out of the way of those zooming volleys. *glances at the bruise on my thigh the shape of a tennis ball* Note to self: When opponent is ready to pound ball into the ground with a smash or a high volley, use racket to defend self.

The other side of me is frustrated, knowing what I did out there on the courts today was not enough. Of course, hearing Cza tell me that I played well today made losing feel somewhat better. Best of all, Coach didn't seem disappointed at all. Having the medal hung around my neck, with the metal UAAP crest resting on my chest, felt fulfilling. Days under the scorching, relentless heat of the sun all made worthwhile. My now permanent tan-mantiong (RJ, corny!) somewhat accepted. I still miss having a single skin tone for my whole body though! I look so chopped up! Chop-chop Lady. I've got a shorts tan line, shirt sleeves lines, socks lines, and even a V-neck line! Every time I get up in the morning and stand in front of the mirror, I see black and white! Time for Block & White maybe? *laughs*

Anyway, now that the tennis season's over, it's time to set my eyes on something else, the IAC Women's Basketball Finals on Wednesday! Wheeee! Let's go MEA All-Stars!

today, i'll be thankful.

The History midterms weren't half bad. Thanks to Cel for telling me about "Great Harmony" while we were reviewing over YM last night! I couldn't stop smiling when I saw it on the test paper, thank God for Cel! *laughs* One point down, 79 more to go!

The test wasn't as hard as I had expected it to be. There weren't any tricky, double-meaning, True or False questions, although Multiple Choice with all the "All these, except one, does not describe today's geisha." type of questions, was pretty confusing. Why not just ask, "Which of these describes today's geisha?" It would sure make life a whole lot easier for us! Teachers... tsk tsk.. always out to make things harder for us! :p

I should probably start writing about something more interesting. I'm starting to get bored with my own blog. And to think I should be my own best fan! Or maybe I'm just my own worst critic. Heh? Am I making any sense? *laughs* What can I write about anyway? Basketball again?

We won against Woozah by the way, by a mere two points, and with a much-debated call in our favor from the referee. MEA All-Stars moves on to the semi-finals! It was a fairly low-scoring game, with the score tied at 2-2 at the end of the first half. Imagine that! The game ended with something like 12-10. It was pretty funny, how we were substituting players depending on who had ball possession. We were putting our players in like we would in American football with an offensive and defensive line-up! That was something different! *laughs* Our next game's on Friday and I'm not sure if I can go, which is sad. There's a supposedly prerequisite talk to be held at about the same time as the game for JTA applicants. Makes me think, forego JTA and play? Or don't play, miss all the intensity, all the excitement, all the hoopla for that talk? Aiyyyeeee. And that's not all, I might have training in the afternoon, too. In that case, goodbye basketball. Priorities first.

Speaking of priorities. I don't know if Vane was peeved with me playing basketball today. Coach Gee said that if he were coach, he'd be inis too. But what the hell, I played earlier, played even more time than they would probably have with them starting at 5. The sun sets at 6. Admittedly, it might not have been enough, but with broken strings after hitting a backhand, and using Cza's racket which I frankly could not quite get the hang of, I'd like to think I had enough space, perhaps even enough reason to play that game today. Of course, I didn't contribute much to the basketball game either, (My shooting was way off.) but that's besides the point.

It just pains me that... I don't know. I love tennis (Yes, I can say that now.) but I don't want it ruling my life. I have other interests, other wants and needs (zzzztt... installing Economics talk.) And just because I love another game, does not mean that I'm not committed to the team. It just annoys me that other people, even people within my own team, could say that about me (or could have said that about me. Doh, big diff.) I want to win as much as they want to. And if they can't see that, then I'm sorry. Think what you want. Basta ako, alam ko ang totoo. I'm tired of worrying about what other people think. Tired of being a doormat, acting as if everything's okay when things aren't. But look what I keep doing. *weak smile*

Ask me and I'll say this angst is stemming from something completely different. But I don't really want to talk about that. And with that, I'll have to keep acting, not exactly because I want to, but because I have to, for the sake of civility. I'm so tired. So tired. Sick of swallowing it all in when I want so much to throw up. *zips lips* I'll shut up now. Don't want to say too much.

Back to happy thoughts now! Things to be thankful for today:

1. I think I did pretty well on the midterms.
2. I did not get cramps during the basketball game!
3. Dinner, with Sweet and Sour Lapu-Lapu and tortang giniling (omelette with ground pork, anyone ever had that before?) was delish!
4. I was able to enjoy a thirst-quenching bottle of Apple Iced Tea!
5. I broke my tennis racket's strings for only the third time in my whole life. (That's a good thing because it's a bit like a status symbol. Break your strings, and it's "Wow, she must hit pretty well." Or maybe that's just me making things up again.)
6. Someone complimented my dribbling! (Before, I fumbled and spoiled my chances of putting up a lay-up during a fastbreak) *smiles sheepishly but is flattered nonetheless* (Not "touched"! hehehe, Marts, wrong word usage nga talaga ako kanina!)
7. I have just written my longest blog entry ever!
8. I will not be missing Hiram tonight! *checks watch* But I have to leave this instant!

*scrambles and leaves computer*