finally over.

I'm staring at a little blue box beside me. A little blue box that holds something I wish were a different color. The exhausted part of me is relieved that I will not be having additional bruises on any of my limbs any time soon. I'm such a slowpoke sometimes. Can't seem to get out of the way of those zooming volleys. *glances at the bruise on my thigh the shape of a tennis ball* Note to self: When opponent is ready to pound ball into the ground with a smash or a high volley, use racket to defend self.

The other side of me is frustrated, knowing what I did out there on the courts today was not enough. Of course, hearing Cza tell me that I played well today made losing feel somewhat better. Best of all, Coach didn't seem disappointed at all. Having the medal hung around my neck, with the metal UAAP crest resting on my chest, felt fulfilling. Days under the scorching, relentless heat of the sun all made worthwhile. My now permanent tan-mantiong (RJ, corny!) somewhat accepted. I still miss having a single skin tone for my whole body though! I look so chopped up! Chop-chop Lady. I've got a shorts tan line, shirt sleeves lines, socks lines, and even a V-neck line! Every time I get up in the morning and stand in front of the mirror, I see black and white! Time for Block & White maybe? *laughs*

Anyway, now that the tennis season's over, it's time to set my eyes on something else, the IAC Women's Basketball Finals on Wednesday! Wheeee! Let's go MEA All-Stars!

today, i'll be thankful.

The History midterms weren't half bad. Thanks to Cel for telling me about "Great Harmony" while we were reviewing over YM last night! I couldn't stop smiling when I saw it on the test paper, thank God for Cel! *laughs* One point down, 79 more to go!

The test wasn't as hard as I had expected it to be. There weren't any tricky, double-meaning, True or False questions, although Multiple Choice with all the "All these, except one, does not describe today's geisha." type of questions, was pretty confusing. Why not just ask, "Which of these describes today's geisha?" It would sure make life a whole lot easier for us! Teachers... tsk tsk.. always out to make things harder for us! :p

I should probably start writing about something more interesting. I'm starting to get bored with my own blog. And to think I should be my own best fan! Or maybe I'm just my own worst critic. Heh? Am I making any sense? *laughs* What can I write about anyway? Basketball again?

We won against Woozah by the way, by a mere two points, and with a much-debated call in our favor from the referee. MEA All-Stars moves on to the semi-finals! It was a fairly low-scoring game, with the score tied at 2-2 at the end of the first half. Imagine that! The game ended with something like 12-10. It was pretty funny, how we were substituting players depending on who had ball possession. We were putting our players in like we would in American football with an offensive and defensive line-up! That was something different! *laughs* Our next game's on Friday and I'm not sure if I can go, which is sad. There's a supposedly prerequisite talk to be held at about the same time as the game for JTA applicants. Makes me think, forego JTA and play? Or don't play, miss all the intensity, all the excitement, all the hoopla for that talk? Aiyyyeeee. And that's not all, I might have training in the afternoon, too. In that case, goodbye basketball. Priorities first.

Speaking of priorities. I don't know if Vane was peeved with me playing basketball today. Coach Gee said that if he were coach, he'd be inis too. But what the hell, I played earlier, played even more time than they would probably have with them starting at 5. The sun sets at 6. Admittedly, it might not have been enough, but with broken strings after hitting a backhand, and using Cza's racket which I frankly could not quite get the hang of, I'd like to think I had enough space, perhaps even enough reason to play that game today. Of course, I didn't contribute much to the basketball game either, (My shooting was way off.) but that's besides the point.

It just pains me that... I don't know. I love tennis (Yes, I can say that now.) but I don't want it ruling my life. I have other interests, other wants and needs (zzzztt... installing Economics talk.) And just because I love another game, does not mean that I'm not committed to the team. It just annoys me that other people, even people within my own team, could say that about me (or could have said that about me. Doh, big diff.) I want to win as much as they want to. And if they can't see that, then I'm sorry. Think what you want. Basta ako, alam ko ang totoo. I'm tired of worrying about what other people think. Tired of being a doormat, acting as if everything's okay when things aren't. But look what I keep doing. *weak smile*

Ask me and I'll say this angst is stemming from something completely different. But I don't really want to talk about that. And with that, I'll have to keep acting, not exactly because I want to, but because I have to, for the sake of civility. I'm so tired. So tired. Sick of swallowing it all in when I want so much to throw up. *zips lips* I'll shut up now. Don't want to say too much.

Back to happy thoughts now! Things to be thankful for today:

1. I think I did pretty well on the midterms.
2. I did not get cramps during the basketball game!
3. Dinner, with Sweet and Sour Lapu-Lapu and tortang giniling (omelette with ground pork, anyone ever had that before?) was delish!
4. I was able to enjoy a thirst-quenching bottle of Apple Iced Tea!
5. I broke my tennis racket's strings for only the third time in my whole life. (That's a good thing because it's a bit like a status symbol. Break your strings, and it's "Wow, she must hit pretty well." Or maybe that's just me making things up again.)
6. Someone complimented my dribbling! (Before, I fumbled and spoiled my chances of putting up a lay-up during a fastbreak) *smiles sheepishly but is flattered nonetheless* (Not "touched"! hehehe, Marts, wrong word usage nga talaga ako kanina!)
7. I have just written my longest blog entry ever!
8. I will not be missing Hiram tonight! *checks watch* But I have to leave this instant!

*scrambles and leaves computer*

all up to us.

"Practice this week every freaking day starting tomorrow. 6 am. Ateneo courts. Don't intend to be a pooper but if we want to have a shot at the UAAP championship title, which I believe you guys can do, we'll need to add some effort. This is an opportunity given to you already. We've gotten this far. I just want you guys to make the most of it. If we're lucky, that's great, but if not, then at least we put up a fight. It will really be up to you." - Coach Jen

Oh my goodness gracious! 6 am every freaking day? I'm gonna cry. That means I'd have to wake up at 5:00 every morning, take my bath in Ateneo after playing , pay P20 just to take that bath at Moro Lorenzo Sports Center (without an assurance of a hot shower!) and get to class just in the nick of time. To think I have my History midterms tomorrow at 8:30. The only time I cut class this semester was when I couldn't get to my History class at Bellarmine Hall on time because I couldn't take my shower in the already filled-to-the-brim restroom. We had to wait for both the women's basketball and football team to finish freshening up. If I get to class late tomorrow, I don't know what new words of injury our easily aggravated teacher would have ready for me. I really wouldn't want to know. So... *whines*

tomorrow's pancakes.

It's pretty weird. For the past week, I've been itching to play doubles against DLSU tomorrow, and yet today, I gave my spot up. My mom couldn't understand it. My brother couldn't understand it either. Well, of course I had to disappoint them by saying that I chose not to play tomorrow, hence not giving them a chance to watch me in action. And while some part of me is somewhat disappointed, and I'm still trying to bring down the adrenaline I've been building up for tomorrow, another part of me is happy.

I'm happy that Carla is finally going to get the chance that she deserves. We've all been sacrificing time and effort for this team, and she's especially diligent at going to practice. I just couldn't watch her throw away the chance to play at the UAAP tomorrow. She's so damn good, there's no way she's going to keep all that under wraps this whole season! I don't really know what convinced her, if it was what I said, or just the whole thing, from the 30-minute long bathroom talk with Vane, Jam, Deena, Jo and me to the constant kulit. I'd like to think what I said helped somewhat, I can't really say. I know she wants so much to play and I wasn't going to stand in between that, knowing that she could very well hit the life out of those balls and show DLSU a thing or two. So when coach finally texted me again to ask if I wanted to play or if I was gonna let Carla play. I told her that if Carla wanted to play, then she should.

So, tomorrow, I'm gladly taking the role of head cheerleader! And for the first time since the opening of the UAAP, I'm going to go and have breakfast with them at Pancake House! My sister's choosing sleep over bonding again, but I think it's about time that we had some together-time. We're so close to that trophy. I can smell it in the air. I can smell the pancakes I'm going to be eating tomorrow! *laughs*

in dire need of training.

It's 3 more days until our UAAP match against DLSU and I have yet to swing my tennis racket the whole week. Eeep! If we win this match, we go into the finals with a twice-to-beat advantage. If we lose, then we go into the finals two wins short of the championship. We'd have to beat DLSU another two times if we don't win this Sunday. Aiyeee! I don't know if I should be excited or nervous. If coach fancies putting me on the line-up this weekend, I don't know if I'll be able to really deliver. I don't know if I'll be able to ride on the confidence of the last two weeks.

We've been at the bottom of the standings for so long that finally getting to contend for the title seems surreal. We're supposed to be the underdogs, and underdogs are supposed to leave the pressure to the ones defending their crown, but when the bone is dangling right in front of your nose, not being able to grab it is frustrating. Pity Tantalus who couldn't drink the water nor take the fruits on the branches. It'd be sad if we don't get this. Sad, but not the end of the world. Either way, we're still in the game. The finals will be a whole other story.

what cars can say.

written way back: December 24, 2004

5:30 pm
Just arrived at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Shenzhen, China after crossing the border from Hongkong. I've realized that the economic state of a country can be judged from the cars rolling along its streets. I spent the 2-hour car ride from Honkong's international airport to the border just staring out the window at the blurring cars and highways. I never caught sight of a dilapidated pick-up or a worn-out sedan. I did see dozens of BMW's and Mercedes-Benz's though. Upon crossing the two suspensions bridges in Hongkong, I couldn't help but frown slightly. They were magnificent indeed, more like art than transportation infrastructure, but they made me feel even worse about the current conditions of the roads in the Philippines. It's hard to believe that we used to be on top when you look at the way things are today. But it's the truth, we were once on top. Now, we're on rock bottom. Bedrock. Fred Flinstone compared to George Jetson. (What an analogy! =)) But you get my drift.)

Anyway, housekeeping just came by to turn the beddings for the evening. She started talking in really fast Mandarin and all I could do was smile and point at the only bed that needed fixing. It's a bit embarrassing to have to tell the people who speak to us in Mandarin here that I can't understand what they're saying. (I do understand some parts, but then, I can't communicate what I want to say back in return.) I fit in so well here looks-wise, the same way I did in Taiwan. I don't even know if it's more embarrassing for them to have mistaken me for a local, or for me to be Chinese and not know the language.

Still, you can't really blame me, blame the education. It's sad but I probably learned the most Chinese in my last year of high school than I did in my other 12 years in ICA. (Sorry Sr. Dina if by some strange twist of fate you decide to surf the net and find this.)

Now, before my stomach starts making any sounds that the person sitting beside me might hear *thinks of something and laughs* I think I should go grab something to eat. I know I put that Ritter Sport somewhere here. *rummages through my bag*